Life Actually: Being mean is not being funny

It was one of the meanest blog posts I’ve ever read — yet I found myself laughing.

Apparently I wasn’t alone, because overnight this blogger gained 20,000 Facebook followers. Many followers were people I knew, moms like me who were stressed out by mid-December chaos and craving comic relief. 

The blogger’s timing was spot-on because she made us laugh about the quest to create “magical” holiday memories. The problem was, her sarcastic essay centered around another blogger’s article and list of overachiever ideas for mischievous elves.

She shared the blogger’s name, linked to her website, called her white trash and quipped about the ridiculousness of her suggestions. Because she was funny and so many moms felt overwhelmed and inadequate in creating these magical memories, her article went viral. 

It didn’t hit me how wrong this frenzy was until the next day when I suddenly felt ashamed and regretful for laughing along. I realized then how forgiving we are of people who make us laugh — even at someone else’s expense. 

Humor is king in today’s society, and people can get away with voicing any remark as long as it’s funny. 

The standards for acceptable humor have fallen frightfully low; we’re so eager to be entertained we’ll elevate comedians to a pedestal if their mean humor is witty.

Ironically, it takes more talent and ingenuity to be clean funny than to be mean funny. People who do humor and sarcasm exceptionally well don’t go for the low-hanging fruit. They don’t take the lazy route or blurt out anything to get a laugh. 

I have a friend who owns a business that attracts many kids. The conversations she hears have inspired her to tell her son and his friends, “Mean is not funny.” She harps on this point like a broken record, repeating it every time they laugh at a joke that’s funny at someone’s expense.

People often talk about how mean kids are today, and in many ways it’s true. I hear stories all the time about the biting remarks made and kids having breakdowns at home after getting teased at school. 

The truth about this culture shaping our kids, however, is it reflects adult culture. We grown-ups set the bar and are failing them as role models. In a world where adults will say anything to get a laugh — in-person or online — it logically follows that kids will do the same. 

To expect better from them, we must first expect better of ourselves and consider the example we set in what we celebrate, laugh at and consider good entertainment.

Through the internet, we have new ways to be kind and new ways to be mean. We can laugh at insulting jokes and not feel guilt because we don’t know the victim or see their reaction. 

Author Sue Scheff, in her book “Shame Nation,” shares a rich array of stories of how mistakes and bad jokes online have backfired and cost people jobs, respect, friends and opportunities. Sue offers practical tips to help social media users create digital reputations they can be proud of, often reminding users, “Fifteen minutes of humor is not worth a lifetime of humiliation.”

In real life and online, hurting someone to get a laugh is wrong. It’s selfish and immature. 

But as we decide what humor to embrace, let’s think about standards. Anyone can reach for low-hanging fruit, those jokes that garner quick laughs but later make people feel sick, yet it’s the high-hanging fruit that satisfies the soul. 

Humor done right is inclusive. It unites and uplifts. The best comedians realize this and aim high when crafting punchlines. For those of us listening or following along, it logically follows that we should aim high too and think about the example we set for the next generation.  

Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Birmingham area mom of four girls, columnist and blogger for The Huffington Post. Her two books for teen and tween girls — “Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For?” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — are available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Join her Facebook community at “Kari Kampakis, Writer,” visit her blog at karikampakis.com or contact her at kari@karikampakis.com.