Life Actually: You matter and you have a purpose

I once woke up to the sound of my 8-year-old daughter yelling in our basement.

At first, I thought she was fighting with her sister. But after listening a minute, I realized this was a one-girl argument. She was yelling at herself, beating herself up.

We sat on the stairs and talked. It turned out that she was frustrated over her cartwheel. This child is like me, a perfectionist by nature and particularly hard on herself, so these talks are nothing new.

“Would you scream at your friend Olivia and insult her cartwheel like that?” I asked my daughter.

“No,” she quickly replied, “because that would be mean!”

“Then why are you being mean to yourself?” I asked. “If it’s not OK to yell at your friend, it’s not OK to yell at yourself. You’ve got to love yourself and be just as kind as you would be to a friend.”

The truth is, we all beat ourselves up, even as grown-ups. We’ve all been in that one-person argument where we shout insults we’d never voice to a friend. Often, this self-bashing is silent. It’s cruel and heartless, and it can hold us back in life more than any words or actions that originate with others.

Every human is flawed and imperfect, yet God loves us anyway. Even on our worst days, He loves us at maximum capacity. This is hard to comprehend because humans aren’t so forgiving, yet when God looks at us, He sees beauty and potential. He sees who we can become as the grace of Christ transforms our lives.

What you need to know, above all things, is that God loves you exactly as you are today. He created you for a purpose, for this moment in time, and every morning that you wake up means that He still has jobs for you to do. He isn’t done with you just yet.

Whether you’re young or old, you’ll hear a lot of voices in your life. Some voices will be kind, and some will be cruel. What you need to consider when deciding which voices to listen to is, “Would God speak to me like this?” Because God is truth and God is love, He speaks the truth in love. So if anyone, yourself included, has harsh and hateful speech, that isn’t inspired by God. That is not a voice worth tuning into.

Too many people in our world today believe their lives don’t matter. Since 1999, suicide rates have risen nearly 30%, making it a national crisis. The suicide of beloved celebrities in recent years is a painful reminder that it doesn’t matter how rich, pretty or successful you are — the voices in your head can lie to you and convince you of things that simply aren’t true. You can be adored by the world yet tormented by the thoughts that dwell inside your mind.

There are certain conversations you must constantly have with yourself — and one reminder you need, again and again, is that you matter. Your life is priceless, and your value doesn’t change based on what people say or how anyone feels about you.

If you or a friend ever struggle with dark thoughts, don’t struggle alone. Seek help and wise counsel, and do whatever it takes to get your heart, mind and body in a healthy place. Being healthy helps you love yourself, and loving yourself fuels your desire to love others as well.

Some people care more about what their friends think of them than what they think of themselves. Some people end up in mentally or emotionally abusive relationships that strip them of their self-esteem. Be careful who you trust and discerning in deciding whose opinions to take to heart. Your life matters, and if anyone tells you otherwise, or tries to control you and make you feel small, distance yourself and seek support from people who love you and have your back.

You matter, and you’re here on Earth for a purpose. As you open your heart to this truth, and let your Creator love you like He longs to do, you’ll feel compelled to tell others that they matter too. You’ll become a world-changer and a force for good, an uplifting voice of hope in a dark, hurting and much too critical world.

(If you or a loved one are stuck in a cycle of dark thoughts and need help, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255).

Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Birmingham-area mom of four girls, columnist and blogger for The Huffington Post. Her two books for teen and tween girls — “Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For?” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — are available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold. Join her Facebook community at “Kari Kampakis, Writer,” visit her blog at karikampakis.com or contact her at kari@karikampakis.com.