Relational marketing
This winter, my wife and I attended a seminar called Financial Peace, and in one of the sessions we learned about the power of marketing.
The speaker told us that our society has bought into a myth of needing credit in order to function within our society. He said this myth has woven itself into the fabric of our society because of good marketing. According to him, if something is said enough, no matter how true or not true it is, we will take it as truth, and thus make it a way of life.
I was working with a couple recently who has been stuck for a long time. They have been working to recover from “mean” words and actions repeated over the course of their marriage, which had turned into bitterness and resentment. But it’s the “ghost” conversations they have entrench the negativity:
“Did he/she really just say that?”
“That’s not the truth and you know it!”
“You have absolutely no idea of what is going on, of what you think you know, of anything!”
“Calling me a (fill in the blank). He/she is an idiot!”
The content reinforces the negative feeling, builds on it and revisits at least once a week, if not every day. In a way, it is all negative marketing that leads to the belief that nothing will work, that they are irretrievably stuck and that the relationship has neither hope nor future.
And so, when they walked in, he held the door open for her, let her enter first and said something nice, I asked her how that impacted her. She had no idea. She admitted she would not let it sink in very far, and what did get in, she doubted. This is not a problem but rather totally understandable.
She went on to say she knew she needed to give him the benefit of the doubt, that she could see after all this time of counseling that he was trying, but all she could hear was the negative conversations and connotations.
I encouraged her to change marketing companies.
Her head tilted slightly to the side, as an animal’s does when it is not certain of what it just heard.
She needed to receive what he offered. By doing so, she could learn to recognize and repeat it.
In repeating the good, she would employ a self-marketing tactic that, given the repetition, would soften her heart more and more to notice and receive the positive things he was offering. This would inevitably change how she viewed him, if he was consistent, humble, loving and growing or changing himself. She could and would receive his growing good heart toward her, as fertile soil receives good seed. The positive beliefs of one another, the delight, hope and love with one another, could and would become a way of life.
When you are in a relationship with someone who has had a rocky history, and effort is being made to grow and change but there is a consistent hindrance of doubt and negative interpretation. Give change a chance by reminding yourself habitually about the positives. Keep it fresh by repeating it to yourself. After a while, the relational marketing will pay a dividend, and you might just see yourself buying in.
Paul Johnson is a professionally licensed marriage and family therapist, a professionally licensed counselor and a nationally certified counselor. You can reach him at 807-6645, or paul@lifepractical.org. He is available for marital, family or individual counseling or consulting, or for speaking at your local organization. His office is in Greystone Centre on U.S. 280.