That's Life: One to another

Let’s tackle a big dog. Let’s open its jaws, stare into its maw and smell its nasty breath. I’m feeling ornery today, irritated by something that I think needs to be addressed. I might get letters about this, which is okay, because it’s a pretty touchy and misunderstood subject. And I will admit I do not have the corner of understanding on this topic, but let’s step back from this topic is in and give it (and us) some breathing space.

Submission. 

 (I already feel the hairs on your neck bristling).

Let’s cut to the chase. Yes, the Bible says for women to submit to their husbands. It is in Ephesians chapter five. And it uses the word submission there in reference to action of wives to husbands. It does not use it in reference to action of husbands to wives. 

Yet the action for husbands that follows the exhortation of women to submit is the ultimate in submission  and the furthest expression of submission — love. It is not just any love but sacrificial love — the dying kind, which is the all-trumping submissive non-power-oriented-do-what-I-say act. It is hard to coerce anyone to do anything if one is metaphorically dead. But in Kingdom-think, this is a good thing because dying for another is the ultimate love act and elicits the ultimate love response (submission of the other). Commanding and demanding submission and respect does very little; dying (to self, to the other) does it all.

You see, there is such a thing as forced submission. In the history of humankind, forced submission has never (yes, never) been a good thing. From Pharoah’s day to today’s sex trade, forced submission (a.k.a. slavery) is not good. It disrespects, devalues, degrades and dehumanizes the very delight and culmination of creation. 

Yet we do it all the time in very subtle ways, through expectation and moral conformity, forgetting the other parts of the equation in order to cut quickly to the sum and get our way. The crazy thing is that forced submission can work, but too high a price is paid for only marginal results. Submission works the most fully when it is invited or offered. 

Let me define two terms. Invited submission occurs when something is requested. Offered submission is given humbly, lovingly, authentically, willingly. Only then can submission make way the path of partnership that is the core of absolute and efficient relational functionality and communion (a.k.a. “one flesh”).

Good grief, we incessantly beat these drums of submission from Ephesians five, forgetting that what precedes this passage is foundational, essential and a first priority before the other two can fall into place: “Submit to one another, out of reverence to God.” So much of the submission battle is in the context of obeying God, yet it ignores the priority condition. Reverence to God is found and exhibited in mutual submission, one to another.

So the next time the desire to unleash the big dog possesses you in order to win the war of wills, remember leash law number one: submit to love and understand one to another first because once you unleash the big dog, it won’t stop until it.

Paul Johnson is a professionally licensed marriage and family therapist, professionally licensed and nationally certified counselor, and a licensed minister. You can reach him at 807-6645 or paul@lifepractical.org. His office is in Greystone Centre on U.S. 280.