What adoptive families wish you knew
Many 280-area families are growing through adoption. It is a difficult, costly and often heart-wrenching process, but for those of us who believe that God has called them to adopt, it is worth every tear, every penny and every bit of the wait.
Because November is Adoption Awareness month, we decided to talk to three local families to find out what they wish other families knew about the process of adoption and how it affects us all.
The Reeves Family
Did your family always feel called to adopt?
No. Adoption had literally never crossed our minds. Having been married for 20 years and having a healthy son and daughter in their teens, we were so close to being empty nesters. But God used our adoptions as a way to refine us as a family in spite of all of our flaws.
Has your experience been different because you adopted older children as well as kids with special needs?
It has been such a joy to adopt older children who remember the suffering and poverty in which they lived. They appreciate everything and recognize the little things that the rest of us take for granted. They are thankful to go to school because in Uganda finding funds to attend school is very difficult, and even with funds very few go past sixth grade.
We’ve already taken one child back to visit Uganda. It was amazing for her to get to see some of her old friends and relatives and for them to realize that although she is deaf, she is worthy and valuable. She wasn’t worthy when she lived in Uganda. She wasn’t valuable in Uganda.
What do you wish more people in our community understood about adoption?
Our family spent many years in disobedience to God, chasing after the things the world would expect families at our life stage to pursue. People say things like, “It is so amazing what you have done. You have saved these kids’ lives.” But the truth is that they saved our lives. When people see our family, we hope they don’t see black, white, deaf, special needs — we don’t want them to see us at all. We want them to see Jesus.
The Prince Family
How was your family led to adoption?
I found out when I was 16 that to be a mom I would have to choose surrogacy or adoption. Adoption was my heart’s desire from the moment I heard the news, and we went into marriage knowing this as we planned for parenthood. In many ways, we were spared a lot of the financial and emotional pressures of infertility. Adoption was always our dream.
Were you supported by your family and friends in your choice to adopt?
Most people were very supportive and eager to meet the child God had planned for us. However, there were many who had good intentions but still felt like it would be better if we tried for a biological child. They would assure us that after we started the adoption process and stopped stressing out about children that we would get pregnant and have “our own.” We knew that this was not possible because of my medical diagnosis. They meant well but the undertone was that adoption was Plan B, our second best.
What do you wish more people in our community understood about adoption?
Our daughters are Plan A. There are no other children of our dreams. To have strangers meet our children and then ask if we have children of “our own” is offensive to us, but most importantly it is damaging to our precious daughters who are very much our own. We do not want them growing up hearing the subtle message that there are other children that could have been more ours than they are. We are overwhelmed and grateful for the privilege of being Bethany and JoHannah’s parents. Adoption is a gift that has changed all four of us. Many say how blessed the girls are to have us, but we feel that it is mutual. We are equally blessed to have them!
The Scholl Family
What made you chose domestic adoption?
At the time there was a dire need for Christian couples to adopt African-American/biracial children, so we went that route because we thought it would be the shortest wait as we were older parents. We were also told that most couples adopting were Caucasian couples wanting to adopt Caucasian children. We didn’t care about whether or not the child “looked” like us. We just wanted to love, nurture and bring up children to love God.
Has racism been an issue with your family?
A book could be written regarding racism in and around our extended family. Prior to having children, we lived in the Northeast, out West and now here in the Southeast. There was and is no shortage of racism in any part of our country, and it is easy to see that it is prevalent throughout the world. Because of our conversion to Christ, we love the fact that our children are all trans-racial. Every child is created in the image of God and is to be loved and esteemed. Every single day we get to show the love of Christ to our children and the watching world.
What do you wish more people in our community understood about adoption?
Growing up, adoption seemed an oddity and often kept quiet. That is no longer the case as more couples are adopting and more media attention seems to be given to it. Adoption indeed has its unique challenges, and questions and issues are raised that are not naturally brought up in strictly biologically related families. We wish more non-adoptive families understood that our adopted children are no less ours and no less loved than biological ones. In fact, adoption into God’s family through belief in his Son is the only way into His family!