Kari Kampakis
One crucial component of living a happy, healthy, positive life is to let go of unrealistic ideas and goals.
One of those ideas is to believe it’s even possible to make everybody like you.
The truth is, some people will never like you. No matter what you do or say, you will never win them over, gain their approval or earn their respect.
I say this not to discourage anyone, but more significantly, to set you free. Oftentimes, the problem lies within the person who dismisses you. Maybe they have a critical spirit. Maybe they only pay attention to people who can help them. Maybe their hearts are too hard, too small or too cynical to see any good in you, and rather than give you the benefit of the doubt, they automatically assume the worst.
When you’re friendly, they’ll call you fake.
When you’re quiet, they’ll call you aloof.
When you’re energetic, they’ll call you intense.
And when you’re winning, they’ll call you lucky or overrated.
The good news is, you don’t need mass approval to live a spectacular life. You don’t need a majority vote to carry out God’s special mission for you. He is a God of miracles, and when He wants a job done, He’ll make it happen. Even the most powerful individuals can’t thwart His long-term plan and what He has in mind for you.
It’s usually pretty obvious when somebody likes you. Chances are, you notice the nuances of how people treat you, and you assume they must see something positive when they react like this:
► Their eyes light up when they see you.
► They open their arms to give you a hug.
► They smile at you.
► They laugh at your jokes.
► They give you fist bumps and high fives.
► They care about your life and ask questions about what’s going on.
► They listen intently when you speak.
► They say they like you.
► They see the best in you.
► They show you grace.
► They perk up when you’re around and love spending time with you.
It’s good to notice how people treat you and to invest your time and energy in relationships that bring out your best. But even more important than how people react to you is how you react to them. After all, one fundamental truth about relationships is that people like people who like them. They are instinctively drawn to individuals who make them feel safe, protected and accepted.
Think for a minute about how you treat others and whether your reaction invites them in or pushes them away.
► Are you warm and encouraging?
► Are you pleasant to be around?
► Do you wish the best for others?
► Do you listen more than you talk?
► Do you encourage people to pursue their dreams — and genuinely like people despite their flaws?
Liking people becomes much easier as you draw closer to God. As you mature spiritually, you start to see people through His eyes. You learn to love with a heart like Christ. You understand how we are all sinners in desperate need of a Savior. You treat people well not to gain popularity but because it makes you feel good. You live for the comfort of inner peace.
Not everyone in your life will like you — and that is OK. People are fickle and can turn on a dime, but even on your worst day, God still loves you. He sees the potential of who you can be. If you could see the way He looks at you, with the proud smile of a beaming Father, you’d never doubt your worth again. You wouldn’t lose sleep over those who critique you because you’d feel secure as His beloved child.
And here is something for you to think about: Rather than wait for people to like you, why not like them first? Why not create the community you long to be part of? You were designed to live in unity with God and His people, and through Him, you gain the confidence to connect with others. You open your heart to love and seeing the best in people. Every quality you hope to find in a friend is what others are looking for, too.
So be that person who invites people in — who is kind, warm, and engaging — and know that with every person you genuinely like, you improve your odds of meeting someone who genuinely likes you, too.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Birmingham-area mom of four girls, author, speaker and blogger. Her new book for moms, “Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection with Your Teenage Daughter,” is now available on Amazon, Audible and everywhere books are sold. Kari’s two books for teen and tween girls — “Liked” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — have been used widely across the country for small group studies. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at karikampakis.com or find her on the “Girl Mom” podcast.
