Photo by Erin Nelson Sweeney.
Paige Gardner holds her self-written and self-illustrated children’s book “Where Did The Light Go?” at her home in Chelsea.
When Paige Gardner was a child growing up in Chelsea, she had a lot of anxiety, but she didn’t know how to express it to her parents.
So she didn’t — at least not until way later.
“One day in college, I was having a really hard time with anxiety and depression, and I shared that with my parents,” Gardner said. “They said, ‘Paige, where did all this come from?’ And I
told them that I think I was bent toward being an anxious person.”
She said people thought she was shy, but as she watched her mom’s health deteriorate from multiple sclerosis, Gardner was simply internalizing everything.
“I told them I would cry sometimes at night when I was a kid — I’d get so worked up about being alone,” she said. “I could hear my parents having their Bible study at night through the wall, and that would calm me down and make me feel less alone.”
Her mom said she felt terrible that she never knew, but Gardner told her it wasn’t her fault — kids don’t know how to tell their parents these things.
But now she’s working to put tools in the hands of both children and parents. She recently wrote a book called “Where Did The Light Go?” aimed at helping families have those conversations earlier.
The book “is a story showcasing a young girl who presents signs of worry, anxiety and depression,” Gardner said. “She just wants to be happy and not feel so sad. She wants to feel safe and protected.”
Gardner said she always found it difficult to describe how she felt, so she decided to give parents some signals to look for instead, such as if children distance themselves, or if they’re terrified of being alone.
She said this can help them have conversations about mental health sooner rather than later.
“Kids are facing many troubling issues today,” she said. “Parents must prepare their children to face these obstacles. I wish to encourage every single child that they are not alone and that they can face their fears.”
Gardner said she has always been inspired by author C.S. Lewis, who wrote “The Chronicles of Narnia,” and she decided to approach her book “with this mystical, fantasy-type feel that was lighthearted — it needed to be to touch such a dark topic.”
She also brought in lighthearted elements like butterflies and bold colors. It was a labor of love for Gardner, who had thrown herself into art as she worked through her own depression in college.
The book includes 22 full-layout illustrations and a parents’ guide.
“My goal is to spread awareness,” Gardner said. “Parents might not even realize their child is struggling with mental health. I wanted the book to be a talking piece. … Investing in our family members should always be a priority, and we need to care for the next generation.”
“Where Did The Light Go?” is available on Amazon. For more information about Gardner and her work, visit ainsleypaigedesigns.com.
