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Koa Vicens hugs his father and gives the “hang loose” hand sign after his early graduation ceremony on May 12 at Chelsea High School. Photo by Sydney Cromwell.
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Around Chelsea High School, Koa Vicens is recognizable by the smile on his face, the lei around his neck and his frequent use of the “hang loose” sign popular among surfers. Koa, who has Down syndrome, is beloved by fellow students and teachers.
“Amongst my population of special needs [students], he is a leader. He is also extremely helpful to his classmates and teachers. He is well liked and loved throughout the school,” CHHS special education teacher Eleanor Wise said.
Behind Koa’s smile is the work of his father, Ralph, who gets up at 4 a.m. to get his son ready for school and has driven him to school every day since kindergarten. Ralph goes on all the field trips with his son’s class and sometimes takes Koa to work with him. The father and son spend their afternoons and weekends together, too. Through Hawaiian phrases and hula lessons, Ralph has taught Koa to embrace his Hawaiian heritage.
“He took that child and he put his everything into him,” Ralph’s wife, Susan Vicens, said. “Ralph is his everything. They’re attached at the hips.”
In late April, Ralph and Koa’s time together was thrown off when Ralph was diagnosed with inoperable liver cancer. The doctors’ initial prognosis gave him a month to live.
“I couldn’t even breathe for days,” Susan said. “I was walking around like I was having a heart attack.”
The news was also difficult for Wise, who has known Ralph for four years.
“It’s been tough, it’s been a shock,” Wise said. “It’s been devastating because Ralph is one that goes everywhere we go.”
In the wake of the first diagnosis, Susan’s fellow nurses at the UAB Hospital operating room set up a fundraiser to pay for some of Ralph’s care, raising around $2,500 so far. CHHS Principal Wayne Trucks decided to hold an early graduation ceremony on May 12 for Koa and four other special education students to ensure that Ralph would see his son walk across the stage in his cap and gown. Susan said these acts of kindness from the community have been invaluable to her family as they coped with the diagnosis.
“We’re doing it by all the help and the prayers of the people around us,” Susan said.
Ralph’s doctors have also found that he has more time than they originally thought. They cannot remove the tumor in his liver, but chemo pills could stop its growth and extend his life anywhere from a few months to two years.
“Just because you get a death sentence doesn’t mean it is,” Susan said. “My husband is positive. I am positive.”
She added that she wants to use her coworkers’ fundraiser so Ralph doesn’t feel the need to work while he undergoes treatment.
Ralph Vicens talks about cancer and his son Koa
Video by Sydney Cromwell.
The day of Koa’s graduation was a good day for Ralph. He was feeling energetic enough to attend the short ceremony and watch his son enjoy cake and friends at the reception without feeling out of breath. Though the cancer wears him down some days, Ralph is determined to make his time last as long as possible.
“I believe [God] gave Koa to us for a reason, and I haven’t backed down and I don’t plan on it,” Ralph said. “Because of him, I’m going to put some boxing gloves on and take it to the limit.”
Koa already knows his father is sick, though he doesn’t understand the extent of the illness. When they’re at home together, Koa will sometimes come to Ralph and ask if he’s OK. Ralph always answers that he’s fine, but Koa will ask again a few hours later.
Neither Susan nor Ralph is sure how they will explain the cancer to their son, but Ralph wants to use his time to teach Koa and try to make his own passing a little easier.
“Given there’s pretty much a time limit, I figure if we just spend a lot of it together, it’ll help his transition as well. The last thing I want to do is really leave him in this world,” Ralph said. “I’ve kind of come to accept that it may happen and the best thing to do right now is just to stay together.”
Donations to the Vicens’ medical bills can be made at gofundme.com/vicensfamily.
