Kari Kampakis
It is often said that what feels most personal is really universal.
In other words, emotions that make us feel alone are exactly what will bond us with others if we’re brave enough to share our truths.
For teens starting their life journey, it’s helpful to know that everyone feels like an outsider at times. Everyone questions whether they belong. Everyone knows the feeling of looking around a room and wondering, What am I doing here? I have nothing in common with anyone.
Maybe you’ve found your peeps, your tribe or your squad. Maybe your group is so tight that you call yourself family. You love each other and build one another up. You are certain that you’ll be friends for life.
Yet even in a scenario like this, you’ll still have moments when you feel different or disconnected. You may have days — even months — in which loneliness, isolation or insecurity seeps into your relationships.
Like when your friends all have dates, and you don’t.
Or when your friends all have college plans in place, and you’re still waiting to find out whether you’ve been accepted.
Or when your friends all have a terrific family life, and your parents are divorced and barely speaking to each other.
The point is, your life will never match anyone else’s life. It will never live up to the romanticized (and unrealistic) ideals that magazines, movies, social media and pop culture project as “the good life” to pursue.
But please remember this: Your life is not a mistake just because it looks different from what you see, planned for or hoped for. You are not an outsider just because you feel like a misfit. Your future isn’t hopeless just because your current situation seems bleak.
God is in control. He works all things together for good for those who love Him and promises that His plans for you are good and your future is promising. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
You can trust God because God is trustworthy. He lets nothing in your life go to waste, even your biggest heartaches and disappointments. While the world likes to tell you, “Be tough. Keep up your guard. Don’t let anyone see you sweat,” God says, “Be softhearted. You’re safe with Me. You can be vulnerable in My care because I understand you. I’m shaping you into a new creation.”
Like a potter with clay, God wants to mold you and reshape you into His image. (Isaiah 64:8). And when you lean into His hands and allow Him to smooth out your rough edges and hold you close during life’s tough seasons, you will eventually come to know inexplicable peace. Even if you can’t discern God’s will or plan, all will be well with your soul.
I encourage you to trust this feeling of peace and know that God is preparing you to be a world changer. He is teaching you to trust the Holy Spirit so He can equip you for a future mission.
So be confident about the unique design that God gave you. And respect the unique design that He gave others. People have different personalities, passions, and preferences for a reason, and the best way to approach people who seem different from you is with a spirit of love and unity.
After all, beneath our obvious differences, we all have a lot in common.
We all have dreams and fears.
Strengths and weaknesses.
Days when we rock it and days when we lose it.
And a deep-rooted desire to be part of something bigger and more significant than ourselves.
So champion your friends and the people you encounter. Celebrate their strengths, find ways to work together and open your heart to God’s presence. Even when He seems far away, when you wonder if He even cares, He has His hand on you. He created you intentionally for this moment in time, and as you trust Him throughout your journey, you’ll find security in Him and the joy of knowing the best is yet to come.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Birmingham-area mom of four girls, author, speaker and blogger. Her new book for moms, “Love Her Well: 10 Ways to Find Joy and Connection With Your Teenage Daughter,” is now available on Amazon. Audible, and everywhere books are sold. Kari’s two books for teen & tween girls — “Liked” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” — have been used widely across the country for small group studies. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at
karikampakis.com, or find her on the Girl Mom Podcast.
